Carrying on

Why do we continue when we realise something isn’t right?

Just over a year ago I changed.
How I see the world altered.
It wasn’t intentional, chosen or planned.
It just happened.
In an instant.
On top of a cliff in the remote Spanish mountains.
Pristine blue sky and see your breath air.
Circling birds and the scent of endless pine trees.
The roar of the river carving deeper into the rock.
Entering into all of this I understood.
I say an instant but it took time.
It was gradual then sudden.
I had known something wasn’t right for a long while.
Decades actually.
I caught glimpses of it from time to time.
In the tiny gaps in my too busy life.
Saw it in the reflection when passing a window.
Felt it in the sorrow of leaving home for another work night away.
I had carried on because that is what we all do.
I tried to do it as well as I could.
Over the last year I’ve wondered how to continue.
I have changed and I struggle to do the work I used to do.
I do some of it and I’m selective.
I’m still great at it but we weren’t born to work.
The old me has passed.
A new me occupies my life.
Sees with my eyes.
Breathes through me.
Watches from the stillness.
I work harder than ever.
In a different way.

I wonder if you have felt any glimpses?

As entrepreneurs and leaders our lives are busy so our loves are complex. The way we love ourselves and others is often compromised. The way we experience life is often constrained. Intense and exciting but narrow. These are choices we make even if we don’t realise we are making them.