When something wears out do you replace it?
In Summer 2019 I took a big step.
I followed a life long passion.
I went to climb some big hills.
Not the biggest but big enough for me.
The European Alps.
Specifically Gran Paradiso.
And then Mont Blanc.
I was silly fit and daft strong.
I like to prepare.
For that kind of thing.
To minimse risk.
Gran Paradiso allowed my ascent.
But I got ill.
I got H.A.P.E.
You can’t train physiology.
Mont Blanc was off.
Then against my better judgement.
Still chasing dreams.
We went an bivied at 3,500m.
Sleeping under the stars.
While my lungs filled with liquid.
I thought I was going to die there.
I came back, just about.
That kind of thing can have an effect.
The puffer and hardshell I wore.
Became pretty meaningful for me.
I became attached to them.
Then I lost the puffer last year.
Now the hardshell is finally falling apart.
They literally helped keep me alive.
While I was who I was.
And I did what I did.
But they are no longer needed.
Not in the same way.
I am letting them go.
Despite my attachment.
My familiarity with them.
My love for them.
My past reliance on them.
It is hard but necessary.
They served me well.
Which created meaning.
But they no longer do.
So carrying that attachment.
We often find ourselves working without meaning. Towards old goals. Following old values. At times these goals and values were never ours in the first place. Then we find ourselves fragmented. Parts of us are left behind. It can be helpful to work on knowing yourself. Wherever you are in your life. Whatever age, whatever stage. Then you have a better opportunity to spot the puffer, hardshell, goal, value, attitude (an so on) that no longer fit, are no longer needed, no longer serve you and are heavy to carry. You might need a replacement or you might just find yourself able to let go and be a little lighter.
What are you carrying?